This is a writing piece for Creative Writing, we were supposed to write about something that has changed us for the better.

I used to stay up at night dreading the moment I would die. To the point where great sobs would leap from my chest and my eyes would create bags for days. I carried those weighted bags through my routines until night came and I could stare. I looked into my future, guessing the ways I would be gone. I thought about my time constantly and consistently. When I thought hard, I felt a pressure in my chest that weighed me down. My heart went and pulled at my body while it’s rhythm was always pulsing and sweating heaps of blood that poured through my skin, leaving bits of my thoughts running through, you could see the strain in the rush of it all. And my mind was straining to think curiously of the possibilities, using examples of the past. My mortality was that of all those before me, however great they were, they died. I was obsessed with the idea that I would be forgotten after my death. There are very few people in the world that have been remembered, and I couldn’t accept that I would be a bit that used some space and left, just as all the critters on the floor.

But all the critters on the floor, we look at them from so up high, and judge them immensely. I pick up a bee and I see that I could break it so simply, as many humans do. I believe that there is a force that breaks me so simply. We are critters on the earth. I know it. So who are the ones that break us? And who are the critters that I could break? I know that critters are more important than I, because I’ve learned this from the science books that critters are important because they keep the earth clean and the air refreshing. And it seems that I pollute the air and filth up the earth with my space. Maybe the critters are more important than I. Who am I to say though, when me and the critter do not know. So I am going to not worry with the critters, because I cannot control what I do not know.

So I must control what I do know, and grab what happens. Although it is in our nature to think, I try to look, and to leave a blank page of bright sky. And I try my hardest to find each light that could bring my life happiness. I start thinking that my life should be treasured; it is blessed to be here, I must take in every moment as a bit of me that can continue on to something that I cannot explain. This thinking gives me something that makes me want to live along with all the critters.  Instead of pulling my way through, there is pushing, to find the next bit that will define me. I still am scared, but I believe my fear for the future will help me grasp my path. It is hard to let go of the only thing you know, and to work as all the critters do. But that’s what the future is for, to learn and still fear for the inevitable. And there is feeling in my heart when I am listening and dancing to my heart’s beat. There is a shape that those around me form, a beautiful circle that makes me live on forever in my mind. And I treasure my time bomb and all the ticks that bring me down around the clock because it’s a constant struggle to keep my hands up high in that air above me. 

My final for my Creative Writing Class:

He is staring at me. I walk through white lights that hum and rubber tiles that count my steps, but his gaping mouth brings me through aisles full of cardboard and plastic. I am eating up the lines, feeling heavier with each step. I find that the burial scene of the body and its bits has been here on display. Laid in buckets of ice, hot eyes glare at me, waiting for me to grab him. Through the glass I hear him squealing over the man that smiles yellow teeth and sees with dark brown eyes. His sterile white shirt smells of the blood that runs through his own hands. But I try to never mind all that I see and keep to looking past the man and down into the squealing mouth. 

I do not see why the man smiles so, the pig head did yell at me from across the room. Why can’t the man hear him squealing? He should, for he was the one that placed the head on the tin platter. In all this pitter-patter of stepping and longing I let the pig head know, “you are a poor pig. How disrespectful. I respect you.” The pig head replies with a “Please help,” and then states “I am buried in ice and it makes me feel lifeless,” and continues on with telling of time that ticks slow because the people pass so often and look at nothing but hot swollen eyes that once held the water that holds him. He says, “Why can’t I spit the blood that lead me here. I am frozen in time, laid to rest on a table of ice that is always melting away.”

To all of this, I say in a small whimpering sort of way that, “I cannot help you because there is this sheet of glass between you and me. And the man that put you here, he tries to grab my attention with your pieces. I do not understand how you have become this way, for your head is much bigger than mine, which means you are much smarter than I. And if you are smarter than me, why does your head rest on a platter?” And to this the pig head is silent.  His glass eyes bend down to look about him and I look about him to find that he seems to have faded into the glare of the glass. I then find myself staring at the head that holds my tears, laying about in a bed of frozen water. Placed below the man that smiles yellow teeth and sees with brown eyes. His sterile white shirt smells of the blood that runs through my own hands.

my final for digital imaging.

Minor details not included within the piece shown here

This is my final for my video class. This is the paper I turned in, in response to the video:

My video title is She Must and the music was done by Navarre Herrera. My main inspiration came from the Five Obstructions movie we watched in class. I liked taking the human and studying it from an unbiased angle and wanted to keep that idea. The way they made the video by keeping the human in a simple space and having a clear narrator was very successful and so I figured it would be successful for mine. I think my pieces in the class have fallen under video art, because they do not have a plot and are based on a concept or idea. In this last video I wanted to show human’s as they are, rare with their own perspective and life circumstances. With that I also wanted to show the thing that in the end connects us together, which makes us whole in not being able to fully understand the role that death plays in our life. We are able to control our whole life to the best of our abilities but in the end we have no control over when we will end our life, and all humans have this in common. The obstructions given to us made my piece if not better than the same as I had originally planned, I think the split screen was a really nice addition for my video that worked well.  If I were to do this project again I think I would fix either the text or what I am doing to be less boring. I think the way I did it satisfied my concept but I know there are more way to may be have made it more interesting while still keeping my concept throughout.

 

I do not know if we were supposed to print out our response for the core piece so for right now I will just post it to my blog:

This core piece has been a good learning process, I think I really went out of my comfort zone. I am actually really surprised I even got to do what I wanted to do. When we were first prompted for this project I had the same concept but I think the idea of making a prosthesis can be intimidating. I am glad that I sort of went off the deep end on this one. I realized I learned a lot on how to problem solve. I had to ask at least fifteen people how to solve issues concerning the gear piece that I created. Starting out I had issues with figuring out how the gears would even work, and for that I talked to about four different people. I am pretty thankful that I have the resources I have because I wouldn’t have been able to create it without the help of others. I used many resources in the library for this piece, and looked up books about Dadaism, Surrealism, performance art and human anatomy. This was also the first time I have ever used wire. I am no expert by any means, but I did get much better at using the wire near the end. I learned how to keep balance throughout my piece, and how to make sure that pieces do not weigh down another area and such. I learned what materials work best, and how to use them to the best of their ability. I think that if I made this piece a second time I would be much more successful, and the design would be much more aesthetically pleasing, because at this point, I am not so sure. I think that this piece would be really fun to create with wood as a material, I think it would evoke more of what I am trying to say. Wire does with it’s sort of skeletal frame and limp feel, but wood has a type of symbolic craftsmanship to it that would be nice to manipulate.

          A lot of my illustration work mimmicks the face paint I will be doing with my piece too. It is fun to create characters on a paper but to become one of my photos is really fun, and playing with that concept is nice because I think there is a lot of me in this exaggerated character. It will probably feel good to be a par of that side of me that like most humans I want to push to the side.

   I really love my idea behind the two pieces and am very passionate about it. I have never used sculpture or performance to express myself so this has definitely been a good experience artistically too. Using the gear as a symbol for the human body is something that I would like to elaborate on next semester in my sculpture class I will be in. I think that using performance as a medium will be a good experience, because I am really enjoying video, and I have really started to love watching performance pieces, and I would like to try to dive into that.

Last thursday, core met up at the Henry Art Gallery, I saw for the first time a Pippiloti Rist video piece, which was exciting because I am pretty drawn to her work and how she executes her ideas. I had never heard of Jeffrey Mitchell and his art, but I immediately loved it. His sculpture I wasn't completely falling for but his paper and light pieces were really eerily beautiful. There was a stark contrast between visual representation and concept which I really loved. His symbols and "decoration" can be identified with everyone which is something that I also loved. It is easy to see though that this pattern deals with something greater within the human, and finding that in the way he portrayed was beautiful. It was very inspiring to see his work, I think that I will keep looking into his because I love his concept and am pretty fascinated with it.