This is a writing piece for Creative Writing, we were supposed to write about something that has changed us for the better.

I used to stay up at night dreading the moment I would die. To the point where great sobs would leap from my chest and my eyes would create bags for days. I carried those weighted bags through my routines until night came and I could stare. I looked into my future, guessing the ways I would be gone. I thought about my time constantly and consistently. When I thought hard, I felt a pressure in my chest that weighed me down. My heart went and pulled at my body while it’s rhythm was always pulsing and sweating heaps of blood that poured through my skin, leaving bits of my thoughts running through, you could see the strain in the rush of it all. And my mind was straining to think curiously of the possibilities, using examples of the past. My mortality was that of all those before me, however great they were, they died. I was obsessed with the idea that I would be forgotten after my death. There are very few people in the world that have been remembered, and I couldn’t accept that I would be a bit that used some space and left, just as all the critters on the floor.

But all the critters on the floor, we look at them from so up high, and judge them immensely. I pick up a bee and I see that I could break it so simply, as many humans do. I believe that there is a force that breaks me so simply. We are critters on the earth. I know it. So who are the ones that break us? And who are the critters that I could break? I know that critters are more important than I, because I’ve learned this from the science books that critters are important because they keep the earth clean and the air refreshing. And it seems that I pollute the air and filth up the earth with my space. Maybe the critters are more important than I. Who am I to say though, when me and the critter do not know. So I am going to not worry with the critters, because I cannot control what I do not know.

So I must control what I do know, and grab what happens. Although it is in our nature to think, I try to look, and to leave a blank page of bright sky. And I try my hardest to find each light that could bring my life happiness. I start thinking that my life should be treasured; it is blessed to be here, I must take in every moment as a bit of me that can continue on to something that I cannot explain. This thinking gives me something that makes me want to live along with all the critters.  Instead of pulling my way through, there is pushing, to find the next bit that will define me. I still am scared, but I believe my fear for the future will help me grasp my path. It is hard to let go of the only thing you know, and to work as all the critters do. But that’s what the future is for, to learn and still fear for the inevitable. And there is feeling in my heart when I am listening and dancing to my heart’s beat. There is a shape that those around me form, a beautiful circle that makes me live on forever in my mind. And I treasure my time bomb and all the ticks that bring me down around the clock because it’s a constant struggle to keep my hands up high in that air above me.